I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
