i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
