yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need water and some morals
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
