I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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