i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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