I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
