grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
