I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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