i just wanna soil my oats bro
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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