i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
