Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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