So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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