I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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