I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
