Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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