This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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