I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
