I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
