he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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