dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
