Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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