I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
