Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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