How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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