Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
