i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
