My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
