Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
