We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
