mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
