dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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