They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
