i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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