He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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