Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love black thongs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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