Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
