So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
