It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
don't judge my taste in strippers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
