If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
