I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
