Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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