Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Houston, we have a blender
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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