his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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