I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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