We won't sleep together?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He has the fingertips of a God
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