how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
