Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
