I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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