no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
