THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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