i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
